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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Blaze/ElliotUnited Kingdom Recent Activity
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Hi, I haven't posted in a while, as you can tell I don't do digital art, I'd like to, I just don't have anything to do it on as the computer in my room got taken out to be used as spare parts as I stopped using it, so that's the reason for no digital art, as for traditional art, I want to draw, I just have no motivation to do anything, there's a lot going on right now which only my close friends know about, even then they don't know completely, but I will explain as to why I have no motivation to draw or talk or to do anything.

So I came out to some friends a while ago, they asked me how long I've know, I said a few years, but when I think back, I've always known that I like girls a lot more than guys.

I'm getting bad again, like before when I last took a break from this site and generally the internet all together, I feel low more than I don't, I hate the way I look, that's for a reason, I have gender dysphoria. It means that I feel trapped in the wrong body and that I feel like what I have doesn't belong, my chest, even though it's small I guess and a girls chest, I feel like it's not meant to be there and I just feel uncomfortable with it. I know it might sound weird or stupid or some people might be judgemental towards me because they don't understand it, sometimes I don't understand why I feel like this, last time I feel really bad and I took a break from the internet was because of the same thing, only now, I understand it a lot more. Even though I know what it is and understand it a lot more than before, I still feel the same feelings I did before, I just hate the way I look, I hate having long hair, one of my friends at college loves my hair and every time I say I'm going to get it coloured or dyed, she says not to and how much she loves my hair. But I just hate it, the two thing I feel most dysphoria towards are my chest and my hair, and as none of my family know, I can't get a binder, I feel like if I did tell my parents, they'd freak out a lot, and I'm scared I'd get rejected and kicked out the house, I've had dreams some nights when I tell them, I get kicked out the house, I walk out onto a bridge, I climb on it, I start to fall back and that's when I wake up. I don't know how it would go if I told them, but I'm terrified of it and I'm not going to take the chance, when I'm 18 or when I can support myself, then hopefully I'll tell them, because I tell them and it goes horribly wrong, I feel like the dreams I've been having will become reality and it's so scary to think that it could become reality, I just don't want. I'm not in a great state of mind to be honest, and I guess emotionally I'm not stable. So hopefully things will get better, I don't want to go down the same road as last time, it was horrible, dark, sad, scary and it just felt like it'd be better if I want here. I know that's not true, but when I was like this last time that's what I thought and I don't want to get like that, not again, I've been there way too many times, some a long time ago, some not that long ago and I'm sorry for this rant/vent journal I just feel like I needed to write this as i find it difficult to say what I'm feeling and it just gets worse.
  • Mood: Rejected
.: Monster :.
"Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here,
Looking through the window." -Monster, Meg & Dia
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.: Strange :. by xDarkShadows
.: Strange :.
"I don't fit the picture
I'm not who you want me to be,
Sorry..." -Strange, Tokio Hotel ft Kerli

Full description on Instagram: instagram.com/x_darkshadows/
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Blaze new ref sheet by xDarkShadows
Blaze new ref sheet
New ref sheet for Blaze, find by kxng
Thank you so much, I love it so so much! :heart:
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deviantID

xDarkShadows
Blaze/Elliot
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United Kingdom
:skullbones:----------------------------♥Dark♥----------------------------:skullbones:
:bulletblack: Name: Dark
:bulletblack: Age: 15
:bulletblack: D.O.B: 3rd August 1998
:bulletblack: Gender: Female
:bulletblack: Nationality: British
✘----------------------------------------------------------------
I ♥ The Colour Black♥
✘----------------------------------------------------------------
Stamps:
Black Veil Brides Stamp by SammieSparxxBlack Veil Brides - commish by rainbeosBlack Veil Brides Stamp by Flynnux
I'm Part of the BVB Army stamp - REQUESTED by el-JimmeisterKnives and Pens by winter-ameBlack Veil Brides by winter-ame
Onision by AngelsFallFarOnision Forum Stamp by blue98Onision 2 by crow69
Bring me the Horizon Stamp by ScarsOfFreedomThree Days Grace Stamp by UzakaGearSleeping With Sirens Stamp by Flynnux
Tomb Raider 2013 by GtkShroomTomb Raider Survivior is Born Stamp by BechmdetisTomb Raider stamp by WhiteDevil350
True Friends Stamp by Mirz123Real Friends Stamp by Mirz123Miss My Friends Stamp by Mirz123
Veeeery good ideas... by 1FoxyladyValentine's Day Stamp by LissyFishythe rain stamp by Saytherine
Just cause I wear Black STAMP by silver-eyes-blueI heart Blood stamp by the-emo-detectiveBloody stamp by emptyidentityentity
14 Stamp - loveBLACK by amegionaI :heart: black by InkyMonsterI love black stamp by violetsteel
Green Day stamp by 5-3-10-4Green Day Stamp by josephhaubertBillie Joe stamp by KazultheDragon
My Chemical Romance Stamp by bob-wireMy Chemical Romance Stamp by CyanideSeasonMy Chemical Romance Stamp by Flynnux
Avril Love Stamp by WytseKloosAvril Lavigne Stamp by MajinPatWYWH Stamp by Drake1
Evanescence Fan by shaloneSKEvanescence Fan Stamp by My-Black-WidoWEvanescence Stamp by Erameline
Protected by Vampires stamp by purgatoriBAD GIRL stamp by DeviantSithVampire stamp by Tellien
Pain and Suffering by Mellow-StampsPain is Weakness by Mellow-StampsAddicted to Pain- Stamp by Alter-Ego-Chris
The Dark Side Stamp by Caddielook+Art Neglection Stamp+ by dantesgirlwat is love, y dose it hurt by ningakitty417
I love Horror moives by ohhperttylightsPainkiller by TheseKrimzonFlamesLove and Lose by Mellow-Stamps
I love black stamp by violetsteelI :heart: black by InkyMonster:I love red stamp by violetsteel
- Red - by Tifa22I love RED. by AomiArmsterlove stamp 2 by Vibeviant
Red by BluexRabbitxBlack by BluexRabbitxDA Stamps: black is love by eleoyasha
Just because I listen to--- by CaittheCatAwkward Stamp :3 by WolvenFlamesi love the dark by spidermonkey-lol

✘----------------------------------------------------------------
:bulletblack:People I Know In Real Life;
    :iconkxng::iconpumpkinpupp::iconraw-r::iconicecreamfondue:
Interests
Hi, I haven't posted in a while, as you can tell I don't do digital art, I'd like to, I just don't have anything to do it on as the computer in my room got taken out to be used as spare parts as I stopped using it, so that's the reason for no digital art, as for traditional art, I want to draw, I just have no motivation to do anything, there's a lot going on right now which only my close friends know about, even then they don't know completely, but I will explain as to why I have no motivation to draw or talk or to do anything.

So I came out to some friends a while ago, they asked me how long I've know, I said a few years, but when I think back, I've always known that I like girls a lot more than guys.

I'm getting bad again, like before when I last took a break from this site and generally the internet all together, I feel low more than I don't, I hate the way I look, that's for a reason, I have gender dysphoria. It means that I feel trapped in the wrong body and that I feel like what I have doesn't belong, my chest, even though it's small I guess and a girls chest, I feel like it's not meant to be there and I just feel uncomfortable with it. I know it might sound weird or stupid or some people might be judgemental towards me because they don't understand it, sometimes I don't understand why I feel like this, last time I feel really bad and I took a break from the internet was because of the same thing, only now, I understand it a lot more. Even though I know what it is and understand it a lot more than before, I still feel the same feelings I did before, I just hate the way I look, I hate having long hair, one of my friends at college loves my hair and every time I say I'm going to get it coloured or dyed, she says not to and how much she loves my hair. But I just hate it, the two thing I feel most dysphoria towards are my chest and my hair, and as none of my family know, I can't get a binder, I feel like if I did tell my parents, they'd freak out a lot, and I'm scared I'd get rejected and kicked out the house, I've had dreams some nights when I tell them, I get kicked out the house, I walk out onto a bridge, I climb on it, I start to fall back and that's when I wake up. I don't know how it would go if I told them, but I'm terrified of it and I'm not going to take the chance, when I'm 18 or when I can support myself, then hopefully I'll tell them, because I tell them and it goes horribly wrong, I feel like the dreams I've been having will become reality and it's so scary to think that it could become reality, I just don't want. I'm not in a great state of mind to be honest, and I guess emotionally I'm not stable. So hopefully things will get better, I don't want to go down the same road as last time, it was horrible, dark, sad, scary and it just felt like it'd be better if I want here. I know that's not true, but when I was like this last time that's what I thought and I don't want to get like that, not again, I've been there way too many times, some a long time ago, some not that long ago and I'm sorry for this rant/vent journal I just feel like I needed to write this as i find it difficult to say what I'm feeling and it just gets worse.
  • Mood: Rejected

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:iconskyew0lf:
skyew0lf Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wait....you like BVB TOO?!?!? Llama Emoji-01 (Laughing) [V1] 
Reply
(2 Replies)
:icondraganthemighty:
DraganTheMighty Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fav.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconbulgarianchick93:
Bulgarianchick93 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student Writer
Woah!! thanks for all of the addings and favs!! :heart:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconnekomellow:
NekoMellow Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014
Thankies for the Watch! :iconbigmeowplz:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcrystalgrim:
CrystalGrim Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the many faves^^
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(1 Reply)
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